Welcome to another week’s worth of Boxing slaps and tickles with your favorite overweight booze hound-wh*re monger. In case you don’t know who I am, my name is Madcow- I’m an independently wealthy Boxing expert and, quite often, the smartest guy in the room.
Chad Dawson beat Antonio Tarver, again, in an almost identical fight as their first one. Nothing was working last Saturday. The whole HBO telecast seemed off. Dawson looked flat, Tarver looked ancient and even the ring card girls looked skankier than usual. It was a bad night for all parties…especially us fans who had to sit through a snore-fest while thinking about just how many great fights we could’ve seen aired with the money they wasted on Dawson/Tarver 2.
The next step for Dawson is to find a decent fight among all the bums at 175. The only option for a money fight is to fly out to Wales, find out where Calzaghe’s gone drinking, bring TV cameras and force Joe to fight him, ala Rocky V…Either that or invent a time machine so he can go back 8 years to fight a Roy Jones who could actually defend himself.
As for Antonio Tarver…Tarver goes back to doing what all marginally successful men with smoking hot wives do- Look over his shoulder and have a private detective follow Denise Tarver around all day.
Speaking of Denise Tarver…Denise, drop me a line, ok? You can send all e-mails to firstname.lastname@example.org. Put “Madcow” in the title and it’ll be forwarded to me…Later, pumpkin.
Hector Camacho and Yory Boy Campas went ahead with their ridiculous PPV on Saturday. Florida played host to these geezers since Jersey wouldn’t license Camacho. I was pulling for the show to be named “When Swollen Prostates Collide,” but they went with “Nations Collide” or something silly like that. There’s no word on the buy rate yet, but it has to be at least “1” because of the guy who was airing the illegal stream that I watched on the internet.
As for the show itself, if you enjoy the feel and production value of Sunday morning UHF Pro-Wrestling shows, you would’ve loved this one. Dim lighting, grainy color, cheap effects…you had to know that any PPV featuring a 47-year old felon in the main event had to be all class.
By the way, the fight was declared a draw…and there’s no truth to the rumor that the pre-fight physical used carbon dating technology.
Next week, Andre Ward and Edison Miranda mix it up. I have to admit that Miranda is the type of blow-hard bully that I hate with a passion. But, Ward is the type of good-looking arrogant jock I also hate with a passion. So, I’m torn. Maybe I’ll root for a double knockout or a collapsing roof.
Roy Jones wanted to fight in the UFC Octagon against Anderson Silva and the fight would’ve been made if Dana White hadn’t vetoed it. White says that a Jones fight is meaningless and that he doesn’t want to be responsible for a legend like Roy Jones getting hurt. Yeah, right…and the only reason I’m not nailing Scarlett Johansson is because I don’t like busty blondes.
The Kelly Pavlik–Sergio Mora fight, scheduled for June 27th, has been cancelled. On the surface this is good news, but all this means is that we’re still going to have to co-exist in the same universe as Mora until Pavlik’s staph infection of the hand is better.
Ok, I have to run, I gotta get a massage and if I show up late for my appointment, the “happy ending” becomes an “inconclusive session-ender.”
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I’ll see ya next Sunday, ladies.