Just for laughs and giggles, let’s ask the following question: What if boxing’s biggest stars matched off against some of the WWE’s legendary figures? A show’s a show, right?
Let’s take a look at what might happen at this most awesome of Wrestlemanias:
Floyd “Money” Mayweather vs. “The Million Dollar Man” Ted Dibiase
The WWE superstar who made his name taunting fans with fists full of cash has met his match with the absolute king of ring green, Floyd Mayweather, who, himself, is no stranger to the WWE. After about ten minutes of back-and-forth battle, Dibiase tries to pay off the ref with a wad of fifty dollar bills—only to find that the ref is already toting a duffel bag full of hundred dollars bills, dished to him by a member of Mayweather’s entourage. A shocked and distracted Million Dollar Man is then laid out by a wicked Mayweather right hand.
Sergey Kovalev vs. Hulk Hogan
While Hogan’s entrance song, “I am a Real American” is still playing, the Russian Kovalev rushes the Hulkster and begins to batter him with hammer-like lefts and rights. The punishment being dealt out is tremendous and the WWE icon seems almost down and out for the count. Then, Hulk summons up energy and resolve from an unknown place and begins to tremble and shake as Kovalev continues to beat on him. Suddenly the Hulkster stands straight up and signals with a wag of the finger that the Russian’s shots are no longer affecting him. Hogan fires back, lays out Kovalev, and drops the giant legdrop on him. Three slaps of the mat later, Hulkamania comes out on top.
Bernard Hopkins vs. Ric Flair
Skill is the word as two aged masters set out to prove who is truly the best of the best in the ring. After the 30-minute mark, though, a Hopkins’ failed attempt to body slam Flair results in a twisted knee. As “The Alien” squirms on the mat in pain, Flair slaps on his dreaded figure-four leglock and forces an unlikely submission from the boxing legend.
Manny Pacquiao vs. John Cena
The arena is abuzz as two legendary good guys meet in this Wrestlemania feature. The fans don’t quite know who to cheer for, so they just go wild for everything that happens between the two ring legends. At about the twenty minute mark, though, Cena’s missed shoulder tackle gives “The Pacman” a chance to crack his fellow good guy with a brutal knockout left hand.
Wladimir Klitschko vs. The Undertaker
This battle of icy-cold giants is dead even until The Undertaker’s urn begins to smoke and bubble up some otherworldy fog from within. The lights suddenly go out. When the lights go back on, former heavyweight kingpin, Klitschko, is alone in the ring. A puzzled “Dr. Iron Fist” walks around, looking for his foe. The lights go off again and when they come back on, Undertaker is right in his face. One boot to the gut and one tombstone later, The Undertaker emerges victorious.
Gennady Golovkin vs. “Stone Cold” Steve Austin
Two awesome ring entrances—“Triple G” with The White Stripes’ “7 Nation Army” and Austin with his familiar broken glass-to-theme entrance—lead to a disappointing Wrestlemania scuffle as “Stone Cold” jumps on the Kazakh KO artist and delivers a brutal “Stone Cold Stunner” to get the quick pin. After the bout, good ol’ Stone Cold dusts Triple G off, helps him up, shares a beer…and stuns him again. Cue the broken glass.