Madcow’s Standing 8 Count (6/8/09)

by Madcow

Here I am, your favorite bovine boxing columnist, rockin’ you like a mother frickin’ hurricane, with several axes to grind and a massive inferiority complex (not to mention a substance abuse problem, a weight problem, several dozen outstanding parking tickets and a sexual addiction that makes David Carradine look like Fred Rogers)!

Sorry for last week’s lack of a column, but I was knee-deep in Polynesian trim and I honestly didn’t feel like writing another column on a slow news week.

But then, as if delivered from heaven directly to my bloodshot eyes, David Haye gives me enough material for several month’s worth of columns!

By now, I’m sure you all know, but Haye pulled out of his Heavyweight title fight against Wladimir Klitschko, leaving behind a stadium’s worth of sold tickets, several million dollars and about 50,000 dumb T-shirts where Haye is ripping the heads off of the Klitschko Bros.

Now, it’s just Haye who’s getting a virtual decapitation from fans and media for talking so much trash and backing out at the last minute.

Don’t buy the injury talk, this Madcow can smell cold feet when their rubbed up against his nose. Haye wrote a check that his sack couldn’t cash.

Now, Wlad has an opponent in Ruslan Chagaev who may have Hepatitis, but isn’t suffering from “yellow” fever. I say Klit, as a punishment, makes Haye fight Chris Arreola, Alexander Povetkin and Samuel Peter before getting back into contention.

All in all, though, this is a good thing since it saves me the 5 minutes the fight would’ve lasted before Klitschko separated Haye’s flapping jaw from his head.

Ahhhhh. It’s good to be back!

Message boards and websites are on fire all over the net about the upcoming Floyd Mayweather–Juan Manuel Marquez fight. I’ve heard both sides and here’s the official decision from Madcow:

Mayweather’s entitled to a tune-up fight and even a mini-Marquez is not bad at all for a tune-up. Afterwards, if Mayweather isn’t making a serious effort to fight someone named Pacquiao, Cotto, Mosley or Williams next, then he deserves the wrath of the world.

Doesn’t it seem that Manny Pacquiao‘s people know deep down inside that the dog and pony show is just about up? His people want nothing to do with a real Welterweight fight, they’re already dismissing the idea of a Mayweather fight and they’re going to price themselves out of any fight against a legit 140 lb. fighter.

On a similar note, if any Welter melts down to meet Pacquiao’s crazy demands, they are goofy and deserve the dehydrated beating they’ll get. Hear that, Shane Mosley?

David Tua announced that he’ll officially be changing his ring name from “Tuaman” to “The Tuaminator.” Can Madcow make a few more name change suggestions? How about “Tua Years Since He’s Last Fought,” “It’s Tua Bad He Doesn’t Get Off His Fat Ass and Fight, ” or “I Wouldn’t Pay Tua Cents to Watch Him Fight Shane Cameron?”

Alfredo Angulo, buddy, how the hell could you lose to Kermit “I’m Too Sensitive” Cintron?

Kelly Pavlik re-signed with Top Rank after they spendt the last 18-months burying the kid against weak opposition on bogus cards and allowing him to get within spitting distance of a slick spoiler like Bernard Hopkins. Maybe Pavlik is the “take the money and run” type of fighter after all. Kelly, how many pick up trucks and “Best of Bob Seeger” CDs can you buy?

John Ruiz is still whining about not getting another shot at the Heavyweight title and about not getting the respect he thinks he deserves. Well, this cure for insomnia has had almost a dozen world title fights in his putrid career and, combined, they’ve produced less excitement than the first round of any James Kirkland bout. Go away, Ruiz and take your garbage attitude and style with you. You are to Boxing what Stryper was to Death Metal.

Alright, kiddies, all out of venom for this week. See ya next Sunday and, remember, support the BTBC. I have it on good word that this Summer will make or break our community. Let’s keep stickin’ it to the man. F*ck You Fightnews and Max Boxing! Madcow’s gonna rape Boxingscene’s mother!

Peace and Love.