(Editor’s Note: The following piece was written as satire, mean and nasty satire, and should not be confused with the general boxing douchebaggery that actually does happen)
by Charlie R. Horgan
“Tonight is not another black eye for boxing” ~Larry Merchant, following Julio Cesar Chavez Jr.’s TKO of Andy Lee
June 16, 2012. El Paso, Texas.
Julio Cesar Chavez Jr. showed the world that he is a true champion Saturday night when he battered Irishman Andy Lee, a former Olympian with no major victories over elite-level fighters and not ranked within the top ten in either The Boxing Tribune or The Ring Magazine’s rankings, en route to an impressive 7th round TKO victory.
“I showed the world tonight that I’m the best middleweight out there. I took [Lee’s] best shots and he couldn’t hurt me.” Chavez Jr. told a glassy eyed Larry Merchant. Andy Lee (28-2-0, 20 KOs) found it difficult to keep Junior at bay within the conspicuously small 17 1/2 ft ring, frequently finding himself being pressed against the ropes and worked over to the body and head as the tough 160 lb. champion shrugged off the challenger’s punches.
“I just couldn’t hurt him,” said the bloodied Lee after the fight, “I was throwing, but he walked through them. Even when I backed straight up and placed my back against the ropes… he just kept coming.” Julio Cesar Chavez Jr. proved he had a tough chin for a 159 lb fighter as he plowed forward, eating straight left hands and uppercuts before getting within range and pushing the taller Lee into the corners.
Chavez Jr. had been criticized by some in the media for his weight during previous fights, sometimes entering the ring as heavy as 180 lbs–a cruiserweight. Many within the boxing writer fraternity had questioned whether or not the champion should continue to campaign at middleweight, especially considering past difficulty in making weight and his positive drug test for Furosemide, a banned diuretic.
“This time the weight is not a problem. I made weight easily and I feel strong and healthy,” Junior said in his dressing room as he declined the mandatory pre-fight, anti-drug, urinalysis test, “my boxing has improved and I won’t have to rely on being the bigger man as some people have said.” And pre-fight, he looked good, and healthy, not at all weight-drained and very comfortable as he was ushered past the unofficial scales set up by the HBO team without weighing in.
“[Julio Cesar Chavez Jr.’s] weight has been very good. His nutrition is excellent and he should only weight about 170 lbs tonight.” Hall of Fame trainer Freddie Roach told the press. “Just because he has put on upwards to 25 lbs overnight for previous fights doesn’t mean that he did that tonight.” Roach then added, “He will have no significant weight advantage tonight.”
And to the spectators, Roach’s assessment was spot-on. Chavez Jr.’s boxing was surely the difference as his “test” wilted under the pressure. “I’m surprised at how good he put his head down and pressed [Lee] against the ropes and swung away at his body and head with no regard for his own safety,” Andy Lee’s Hall of Fame trainer, Emmanuel Steward, said at the post-fight press conference, “It was boxing at it’s best and had absolutely nothing to do with an absurd amount of weight being piled on overnight. I salute the champion. He showed that after 47 fights and a title belt that he is ready for someone ranked in or near the top ten.”
“I’m ready for [lineal champion] Martinez, I’m going to shut his big mouth,” said Chavez Jr. through an interpreter after the fight. HBO commentators hungrily agreed. Andy Lee was supposed to be a stern test for the undefeated middleweight champion, but was instead bullied and battered from pillar to post by the skilled Mexican who now improves to 46-0-1.
Boxing: “now with no controversy!”
The sport of boxing definitely needed a night like Saturday’s, especially after the Pacquiao vs Bradley debacle in Las Vegas last week. Saturday’s action went off without a hitch, a testament to how well things can go when everyone is on the same page.
“I love Texas!” exclaimed Hall of Fame promoter Bob Arum sporting a ten-gallon hat emblazoned with solid gold, diamond encrusted conchos on the band, “I’d hold every fight here if I could. The Texas commission and the WBC work perfectly together and that makes it all easier for me.” The statement was punctuated by WBC President Jose Sulaiman firing a six-shooter into the air before holding the key to El Paso, which was presented to him earlier in the week, against his crotch as if it were a golden phallus and thrusting it at the seated press corps.
Nearly everyone on press row writhed in ecstasy as the champ’s arm was raised in victory.
“All hail the new champion! We were wrong [about Julio Cesar Chavez Jr.] and take back everything we said, he is a great and unstoppable champion and has proved it now after defeating an unheralded contender!” the entire BWAA said in unison reading from the supplied press releases placed on each seat. Bob Arum was smiling ear to ear as he soaked in the good vibes.
But the good vibes were short lived as BWAA wannabe and blogging reprobate Paul Magno questioned the discrepancies in treatment toward Chavez Jr., “Could you comment,” Magno began in a whiny voice and daring to look Arum in the eye, “on the pre-fight controversy regarding the gloves and drug testing?”
The room fell silent as everyone turned to face the hated “writer.” Even the Top Rank buffet table had a moment of awkward silence as the impartial boxing media halted their grazing and let un-chewed food fall from their open mouths at the audacity of the question.
“There’s nothing to comment on,” Arum replied, “we didn’t want controversy this time around, so when [Lee’s team] wanted the gloves weighed, we didn’t weigh them. Same thing with the weight: they wanted an unofficial fight night weigh in, and we declined. They wanted pre-fight drug testing, and we put it off. See? No controversy. Now who wants some cool swag bags?”
As Arum tossed bags of free fight merchandise into the crowd, the media swarmed amongst themselves like a feeding frenzy and just about everyone was happy. Even the Sun Bowl security guards were smiling as they forcibly removed the upstart Mayweather-nuthugger Paul Magno.
Why can’t all boxing nights be like this?
Charlie R. Horgan lives in Los Angeles and has been a regular contributor to The Boxing Tribune throughout its storied history. You can follow his off-color snarky remarks, lewd jokes and live boxing tweets on Twitter @OGYokYok.
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