For some reason boxing has decided to take the month of February off. Maybe it’s in deference to the Winter Olympics– a pointless waste of time geared mostly to non-sports fans, housewives, and marshmallowy henpecked men (Except for hockey, which is alright).
Oh sure, there are some foreign bouts on the schedule that require you scan the internet for a flickering, stalling signal of an early afternoon or pre-dawn fight from an exotic land. And there’s always ESPN2’s Friday Night Fights, a show that has been painfully awful so far this year.
So, really, for us true fight fans it comes down to finding other ways to occupy our time.
Here’s a handy list of ten things you could do to fill the boxing void until March 1st when a cruiserweight Julio Cesar Chavez Jr. wedges himself into a super middleweight body to get a second shot at doing to Brian Vera what he should’ve done the first time:
Play a drinking game– A shot of Jack whenever Bob Arum uses Mayweather to publicly promote Pacquiao’s upcoming bout.
If you start now, expect to be a raging alcoholic by the time Pacquiao fights Tim Bradley on April 12. The good thing is that, shortly after the bout and when talks between Manny and Floyd could conceivably take place, Arum and crew will be dead silent about all things Mayweather, thus providing ample opportunity for a successful rehab.
Pretend to be surprised when Amir Khan gets the Floyd Mayweather bout
Huh? Wha? Amir Khan just made a massive comeback in the Khan or Maidana, totally legit, Mayweather.com vote? Khan is the leading candidate now as polls close? The people have spoken! (Too bad None of the Above wasn’t an option)
Start your own fantasy boxing rankings league
For the do-gooder boxing nerd, you could always band together with other like-minded dweebs in an effort to clean up the sport with your take on fair rankings…and then adopt all the bad habits, lack of transparency, and arbitrary exclusionary tactics of the sanctioning bodies you claim to oppose. Hurray for lack of self-awareness!
Catch up on your sleep, pop in Devon Alexander vs. Randall Bailey
What better way to pass out on the couch for some much-needed sleep than by revisiting the thriller that featured a combined 165 landed punches over twelve rounds and succeeded in making the Paulie Malignaggi-Pablo Cesar Cano bout on the same card look like Hagler-Hearns?
Start your own blog, open a twitter, account, act like a starstruck doofus
Wanna be friends with all your favorite boxing stars and scribes? Why not open your own boxing blog? Fill the thing with fawning articles, beefcake photos, and press releases..and then take to Twitter where you can try to become besties with all your favorites… “I love what you do @AlBernstein! Go get ’em @andreward, great jab, btw!”
Start your own blog, open a twitter, account, act like a whiny bitch
Or you could always fill your blog with antagonistic, borderline paranoid attacks on your most hated fighters and then take to Twitter to cyber-stalk the objects of your eternal scorn…
Download the career set of Gennady Golovkin from World Boxing Video Archives– Fap, Fap, Fap
The impressive WBA middleweight titlist has become the poster child for all things bad-ass while ridding the boxing world of 160 lb. journeymen, moonlighting junior middleweight fringe contenders, and parking lot attendants. Join the fun by squeezing out a few rounds at the thought of this supremely manly, testosterone-driven killing machine.
Get together with other fight fans, put on car washes and bake sales…Give money to your favorite UFC star.
Yeah, yeah…they make all their money in sponsorships…That still doesn’t explain why boxing’s meat head little combat sports brother is paying their top guys pennies from the dollar. When Miguel Cotto can earn $200K more for walking through Delvin Rodriguez on regular HBO than the entire UFC 168 PPV roster, combined, then somebody on the fighting side of the business is clearly getting rear choked by Dana White and company.
Grab screen caps of Brian Kenny closeups on Showtime Championship Boxing, create a kick-ass collage.
Is that Kenny with all that make-up on or is it Cesar Romero playing The Joker on the 60’s Batman TV series?
Opiates, loose women, general debauchery
Yeah…no comment here…
You can email Paul at email@example.com, tell him how much you hate him, and then buy his book, Notes from the Boxing Underground! Paul is a full member of the Burger King Kids’ Club, a born iconoclast, and an ordained minister in the Universal Life Church.