It’s not that I don’t appreciate the 42 people who read my articles here (literally) or the 3 cents of revenue generated per article (literally!), but unless I want to feed my family one bean each for dinner with a swiped ketchup packet for dessert, I can’t afford to keep this up.
So, fuck it, I’m giving the boxing public what it wants. I’m giving you the brain dead content that gets clicks and gets writers acclaim!
But, of course, I’m way too lazy to write a thousand separate articles (plus, I’m too busy “getting that bag” from all those people I’m supposed to be doing public relations for undercover– Hey these bags are empty!).
However, all of those “legit” articles from “major sites” are pretty much the same, anyway. So, I’ll just set these two templates here and we can fill in the blanks when necessary. Journalism rules!
TEMPLATE #1: “Things Got Heated…”
Thing’s got heated in [INSERT DAY]’s press conference when [INSERT FIGHTER A’S NAME] got personal with [INSERT FIGHTER B’S NAME].
[INSERT INFLAMATORY REMARK/ATTACK QUOTE FROM FIGHTER A].
[INSERT ANGRY COMEBACK QUOTE FROM FIGHTER B].
Things will come to a head on [INSERT DATE] at [INSERT VENUE] when [FIGHTER A] meets [FIGHTER B] in a 12-Round/10-Round [INSERT WEIGHT CLASS] clash.
[INSERT MORE SALACIOUS BACK-AND-FORTH ATTACK QUOTES FROM BOTH FIGHTERS]
[INSERT GENERIC BACKSTORY OF HOW BOUT CAME TO BE AND DETAILS OF BOTH FIGHTERS’ RECENT HISTORIES]
[INSERT ONE FINAL ANGRY EXCHANGE]
[INSERT “HOW TO PURCHASE EVENT/TICKETS” INFO]
TEMPLATE #2: “SO AND SO SAYS…”
[INSERT NAME OF OUTSPOKEN BOXING PERSONALITY (NOTE TO SELF: CULL VIDEO INTERVIEWS FOR EDDIE HEARN, TIMOTHY BRADLEY, BOB ARUM, ROLLY ROMERO CONTENT)] is not holding back when it comes to his take on [INSERT BOXING ISSUE/UPCOMING FIGHT/UPCOMING FIGHT RUMORS].
[INSERT EYE-CATCHING QUOTE FROM ABOVE BOXING PERSONALITY]
[INSERT GENERIC BACKSTORY BEHIND ABOVE MENTIONED BOXING ISSUE/UPCOMING FIGHT/UPCOMING FIGHT RUMORS]
[INSERT SECOND EYE-CATCHING QUOTE FROM ABOVE BOXING PERSONALITY]
[INSERT GENERIC CLOSING PARAGRAPH WHERE THINGS ARE “PUT INTO PERSPECTIVE”]
Okay…Now I’m all set for success…Next stop, boxing media $$$$$ and acclaim! Feel free to use these templates so that you too can become a boxing media superstar!
P.S. The funny (not so funny) thing is that I actually created these templates by breaking down a shit ton of recent and not-so-recent articles on one “major” boxing website, many from one particular super-serious pantsload of a “writer.” Color me impressed with this assembly line journalism!