Hello team and welcome to another episode of the Sunday Brunch super show! This week we are squirting the titties of truth with the super soaker of righteousness as we break down and analyze some of the more interesting things that happened this week in the crazy world of boxing. On tap for today, we will be chopping up the Texas scoring controversy, the Trout/Canelo mash-up, the Fury/Cunningham freak show and various other tidbits that are too numerous and wordy to put in this intro paragraph. Grab your enchiladas and crack open some Coronas’, it’s going to be a doozy this week! With that being said, I gave you your instructions in the dressing room, what I say you must obey – Cuidate, escucha me, toca los manos y buena suerte…Let’s get it on!
Saturday evening, live from the Alamodome in San Antonio, Texas, Mexican Saul “Canelo” Alvarez defeated the New Mexican Austin “No Doubt” Trout via 12 round unanimous decision. The massive crush of pro-Canelo fanaticos made for quite a spectacular sight; around 40,000 Mexican supporters flooded the Texas arena and displayed their camaraderie. Aside from booing the United States national anthem, the lively crowd made the fight into a true event.
Trout made an effort to get at the younger (but more experienced) Alvarez, but ultimately his pawing jabs and inability to commit to any true power punches made Canelo’s defense and effective slugging that much more obvious. Yes, Saul Alvarez took some rounds off, but even during those lulls he was still landing the more meaningful shots; Canelo even scored a knockdown off of a straight right hand to make No Doubt Trout perform a Judah-esque chicken dance before hitting the canvas.
Laurence “You’ll Never Win In Texas” Cole and the fuck you factor
With all the talk floating around the internet this morning in the wake of a good night of action yesterday I feel the need to apply some clarification – for clarifications’ sake. I do believe that Paulie Malignaggi was robbed in Texas when he took on Juan Diaz. I do think that Texas is a hotbed of incestuous and crooked backroom business deals. I do think that the Cole family is iniquitous and unethical. Laurence Cole in particular has a history of favoring home town fighters and skewing fight outcomes with shady refereeing among other tactics. Not coincidentally, I noticed Cole patting Canelo on the back during the match as he walked to his corner, as if to say “don’t worry, I got you”.
The fight was tighter than the judges’ score cards would lead you to believe (particularly blind and/or crooked judge Stanley Christodoulou who scored the fight nearly a white wash in Alvarez’s favor) but make no mistake, Cinnabon won the fight, no doubt about it.
Let’s get this straight, though. The fight was close. I had Alvarez winning by only one round, two tops, however, in no way, shape or form do I think that Trout was robbed Saturday night. The right guy won. The New Mexican native took the first loss of his career with class; something that Nonito Donaire failed to do in losing a MUCH more one-sided beat down one week ago.
So, did anyone catch the epic brawl this weekend? That’s right, the instant classic that was Dereck “Del Boy” Chisora versus the elite Hector Alfredo Avila. It lived up to all the hype and all the anxiety I had going into this match up. How is Chisora doing? How has his training been? Will he be spitting in anyone’s face? What will he be wearing? It met and exceeded all of the expectations I had. Oh wait, I’m thinking of a different fight…This one (to borrow a phrase from The Boxing Tribune’s minigun-wielding leader) both sucked and blew.
I was actually interested to see Del Boy after his respectable showing against the elder Ukrainian giant, Vitali last year and his brave decapitation against the only athletic U.K. heavyweight, David Haye. Unfortunately the time I spent watching Chisora blunder about, flim-flamming and jibber-jabbing against a fighter who has lost in a big way anytime he’s stepped outside of his native Argentina (hell, also in his native Argentina) could have been better spent piercing my abdomen with filthy Cambodian pungie sticks. Let’s move on, shall we?
Speaking of British heavyweights…Tyson Fury made his U.S. debut this weekend when he took on former cruiserweight, Steve “USS” Cunningham. The fight was entertaining in the sense that it was a bit of a freak show. Cunningham kept things interesting early by timing the awkward mammoth and scoring a massive splashdown in the second round with a big looping right hand. Fury used his enormous size advantage to push and lean on the formerly undefeated Pennsylvania native until he was able to adequately tire him out and score a brutal stoppage in the seventh.
An exuberant Tyson Fury serenaded a groaning Madison Square Garden crowd to cap off his victory. From what I understand, airsickness bags were not distributed to the fans, I, however, filled mine up to the brim.
Now that Fury has made his splash on the Western market, I can see a fight with he and former giant slayer David Haye being highly interesting; this all-Brit bout could be very lucrative if marketed correctly. Personally, I feel that either of the K-Bros would be far too athletic for Fury for it to be a contest, but I suppose that hasn’t stopped them from hammering professional spatzle-makers into the ground in the past. Promoter Lou Dibella quipped on Twitter “Fury is now a great opponent for a Klitschko. Huge, dislikeable, promotable, marketable…and he sucks. This Brit deserves the asskicking!!” Good stuff as usual, Lou.
Here’s what I noticed this week:
1. The monkeys over at Ring still have Donaire ranked in their phony top ten pound-for-pound list. The last time I checked, Rigondeaux shit-stomped Nonito back to General Santos City, so what’s the deal you bunch of shills? Also, Robert Guerrero is ranked in their magical list, too? I can understand that because there’s a big fight coming up with him as the B-side, so they have an obligation to the casual fans who read Ring once a month (and think that it’s the gospel) to make it seem like Guerrero is only slightly less elite than the undisputed heavyweight world champion, Wladimir Klitschko (he’s not).
2. On that same mythical, fantastical and whimsical list, Adrien “What’s the Problem with Tweeting Pictures of Me Taking a Dump Naked, Bro” Broner is ranked number 5. So, he’s better and more accomplished than Manny Pacquiao, Wladimir Klitchko, Nonito Donaire AND Guillermo Rigondeaux? OK. Now I know this list was crafted by a handful of wet linguine thrown at a poster of Ring-approved boxers.
3. Speaking about the 5th best fighter in the world…Adrien Broner, if you ever plan on being even half the fighter that your “big brother” is, you had better put down the magnum bottles of Champagne, wipe the stripper glitter from your mouth and really focus on what you’re doing. Hard work pays off, but if you’re so caught up in the bright lights and Gucci cardigans at this early stage of your career you will lose your fire and be swallowed up by someone who is much hungrier than yourself.
4. Damn, Canelo has some underrated defense! Did you see his head movement? I was impressed.
5. Floyd Mayweather will never fight Canelo Alvarez, not unless there is some goofy weight stipulation in effect. The man blows up to around 171 come fight night whereas Floyd floats around 150.
6. I’d love to see Sergio Martinez square off against Saul Alvarez now. That would be extremely entertaining and highly competitive.
7. The cinnamon kid would beat the bongs off of Chavez Jr. if the two ever met (and if Ward doesn’t do it first).
With that I’d like to introduce you to a cinnamon inspired recipe today in honor of Mexico’s favorite red-headed child. To make the perfect cinnamon banana fritters (or pancakes), first mash one ripe banana with 2 tbsp. brown or white sugar. To that add 3 tbsp. all-purpose or (preferably) cake flour, 3/4 tsp. fine sea salt, 1/2 tsp. vanilla paste or extract and 2 tsp. ground cinnamon powder. Pour in 1/4 C. whole milk (or cream for a richer product) and mix until smooth. The batter should have the consistency of runny pancake mix. You can cook these one of two ways – In a non-stick pan add butter until well lubricated and proceed as you would a normal pancake, the other option is deep frying (or pan frying) in vegetable oil; drain if using this method before serving and Voilà! I hope you enjoyed another amalgamation of my randomly configured words and of course, another great recipe. Another Brunch is forthcoming (as are more great cooking tips, tricks and formulas), remember to always brush and floss your teeth! Stay hungry, team. Sante.