“This is exactly why referees should be forced to retire at a certain age. You can’t be 100 years old and judging or reffing world class fights.” – Paulie Malignaggi
Hola familia y amigos, welcome to a withered and decrepit edition of Central America’s highest rated, most money-spinning weekly proper pugilistic paper, The Sunday Brunch – We are the boxing column equivalent of ineffectively jabbing for twelve rounds then claiming robbery. This week we’re chopping up Saturday’s championship bout between Tim Bradley and Jessie Vargas. Veteran referee, Pat Russell almost fucks up another big prize fight and if there’s time, we’ll discuss the physics of hoverboard technology. Hold on to your rebel flag bikini and swallow your antiquated homophobic rhetoric, we are about to sort through this nonsense…With that being said, I gave you your instructions in the dressing room; what I say you must obey. Cuidate, eschua mi y toca los manos…Let’s get it on!
It’s a good thing for Timothy Bradley that his Top Rank contract still has a year left on the meter, Saturday’s (vacant interim) welterweight championship against the undefeated junior welterweight titlist, Jessie Vargas had all the trappings of a screw job of epic proportions.– Ruslan Provodnikov versus Chris Algieri style.
The fight, while not overly exciting, was quite interesting in that Jessie Vargas was coming into the bout undefeated and highly touted by his promoter, and was likely on his way to
being fed to…becoming a future opponent for Manny Pacquiao.
The 26 year-old Vargas seemed content with relying solely on his jab for the duration of the encounter. He did finally manage to seriously stun Tim Bradley inside the final 30 seconds of the bout with a crisp counter, but Bradley was able to stumble to safety and clench before the inexperienced junior welterweight could capitalize.
Bradley controlled the action for the majority of the night – initiating nearly all of the exchanges and fighting with a sense of urgency that Jessie Vargas either hasn’t learned yet, or doesn’t have in him. Though often wild, reckless and even off balance at times, Tim Bradley fought like a man who knows what it feels like to be screwed over in a prize fight.
And make no mistake about it, Tim Bradley has seen his share of bad decisions – some in his favor, some not – and for all intents and purposes the five time champion with world class will and heart looks to be headed toward semi elite-level gatekeeper status, belt or no belt.
Back to the end of the fight for a moment.
With less than 30 seconds remaining in the contest, Jessie Vargas was in (slow, but) hot pursuit of the discombobulated and disoriented Timothy Bradley, who was smartly holding on and dodging Vargas’ wild swings when the ten second clapper sounded. The fossilized remains of the referee once known as Pat Russell confused the sound of the ten second mark with the bell signifying the end of the fight, and appeared to wave off the contest.
Now, at this point a thoughtful and unbiased observer could clearly see that no punches were connecting on Bradley and he still had clear eyes despite being wobbled badly. “Desert Storm” himself even mouthed “the fight isn’t over” as Jessie Vargas delusionally ran and jumped on the turnbuckle to celebrate his thoroughly miserable performance with his team.
After some communications with the officials ringside, a nearly inaudible Lupe Contreras announced to the boisterous and vociferous crowd in attendance that because there was a referee error, the fight would go to the score cards.
A correct unanimous decision was awarded to Tim Bradley and according to a report this morning, Jessie Vargas will now file to overturn the decision. Maybe after he watches the fight he will change his mind. According to this viewer, Timothy Bradley won all but two rounds and that one punch Jessie landed did not lead me to believe that eight seconds would have made any difference.
No controversy. No rematch, please.
Back to Pat Russell for a moment.
Back in 2013, the aforementioned former champion, Ruslan Provodnikov entered the squared circle against Tim Bradley in a fight for Bradley’s WBO title. The fight was an instant classic as both men refused to give an inch of ground and the pair of warriors displayed the true meaning of grit, heart and will.
Unfortunately for Ruslan Provodnikov, though, the elderly Pat Russell was refereeing that night and somehow “missed” several calls that should have been knockdowns. I’ve said this before, but when the ropes keep you from flying into press row, that’s a knockdown. The close fight was awarded to Bradley and I can find no blame in the scoring, only the officiating.
Hang em’ up, Pat.
Hey, how about a rematch between Provodnikov and Bradley? Winner gets brain damage.
OK, maybe not.
I’m just waiting for Tim Bradley to get fat so I can work “Dessert Storm” into an article somewhere.
In other news, in a reaction to gay marriage being legalized throughout the United States, Devon Alexander publicly went on a thinly veiled anti-gay tirade through his social media accounts saying things like “Only a vagina, when it is stretched can tighten back up. But when your anus is stretched out you are destroyed. Shows how unnatural it is.”
I can’t understand it, though. With that logic and considering his understanding of anus and vagina physics, his mother’s body has to be absolutely destroyed from passing that colossal cranium he’s got.
Think I’m an asshole? Let us know in the comments below! Best comment gets a gift card to Ponderosa, home of the big fat yeast roll!
Thanks for joining us again, next week we’ll have more run-on sentences, mildly amusing mish-mashes of words and dangling participles. We will have Doctor Neil Degrasse Tyson on the show to discuss Devon Alexander’s understanding of human anatomy and we’ll round out the evening with a leisurely stroll through Central Park where I’ll be going over all the problems in my life with a splash of boxing commentary so hopefully people will care what I have to say. Oh, that’s not me, nevermind. Send all Devon Alexander wearing rainbows memes to JESSEBOXINGTRIBUNE@GMAIL.COM or troll our Twitter account @JESSEBOXING. Until next time, sante!