Hola amigos y enemigos, welcome to a crispity-crunchity, peanut buttery edition of Central America’s highest rated, most money-squandering proper pugilistic paper, The Sunday Brunch – Our hard-hitting news hits harder than JuanmaLopez hits his wife.This week we’re coming at you faster thanDan Rafael can gag down a KFC Double Down/Checkers Big Buford lunch combo.Today, we are taking out Ronda Rousey, Oscar De La Hoya, Marcos Maidana, Miguel Cotto, Manny Pacquiaoand more! So, download Microsoft Word to your cell phone because your $1,800 computer is a virus riddled piece of shit and bust out your Mayweather blackface Halloween costume, we’re about to sort through thisnonsense. With that being said, I gave you your instructions in the dressing room; what I say you must obey – Cuídate, eschuame y buenasuerte…Let’s get it on!
I can respect the fact that you love Miguel Cotto and think that he’s going to be victorious against the younger CaneloAlvarez later this month. I, too, have things that I love. Putting two packs of the powdered cheese-like substance into one box of Kraft Mac and Cheese, for example.
However, I do live in the real world. By now, most will recognize Miguel Cotto for what he is – a future Hall of Fame boxer/puncher with a warrior’s heart, soul and will. The Caguas Crusher has been in many, many crippling combative contests, though.
The Puerto Rican has seen punishing losses at the hands of blatant cheaters (yes, plural) and has had his hand raised near the very pinnacle of the sport. But, the very fact thatCotto is a ‘high mileage’fighter, his 35 years of age could very well translate to disaster when he steps in the ring with the redheaded Mexican.
Even with the addition oftrainer-to-the-stars (and his obvious improvement as of late), Freddie Roach, Miguel Cotto’s career is heading to a rapid conclusion as November 21 draws near.
The Pride of Puerto Rico is a boxing great, there can be no question about it,but Saul ”Canelo” Alvarez is too young, powerful and hungry for the ageing champion. Miguel Cotto will lay bloodied and pulverized until the referee waves the contest off. Bet on it.
In other fake news, Argentine bruiser, Marcos Maidana has spoken out to whether or not he will stepback inside the squared circle. “My mother, my lady and my sisters do not want me to fight again, but my father has asked me to do one more. I don’t know if I’m going to return and fight again. I am doing very well and I’m not even thinking about boxing.”
Of course he isn’t thinking about boxing. The self-proclaimed Gaucho pocketed in the area of 5 million dollars for his two bouts with Floyd Mayweather in 2014. Marcos Maidana is living the high life in Argentina, dining on the country’s exquisitely prepared carne asados, dulce deleches, fire-roasted suckling pigs and chimichurri slathered hunks of baked pigs testicles.
The man knows how to live and definitely knows how to eat. Perhaps a move up the scale to cruiserweight to face the winner of the highly anticipated Roy Jones Jr. – Enzo Maccarinellimegaultra-fight is in the cards for the rotund Ranchero.
Manny Pacquiao is likely headed towards a Terrence Crawford showdown sometime in the near future. At this point of Pacquiao’scareer, a victory over the excellent boxer, Crawford, seems unlikely – especially considering that Floyd Mayweather (and arguably, Juan Manuel Marquez before him) showed just how vulnerable the Filipino Icon can be when presented with a capable boxer/counter puncher.
The rematch with Floyd Mayweather is still going to happen.
Ronda Rousey made her big Ring Magazine debut in late October of this year, much to the chagrin of anyone who has at least 25% of a working brain. The MMA fighter has decent judo skills and isdeft at punishing lunch ladies, but a quick glance at the YouTube video of her sparring with former unified BOXING champion, Vic Darchinyan, easily reveals that her sub-par striking and awful boxing ability would betray her in a real “ring”.
It is even rumored that Oscar De La Hoya is considering promoting the cross-over star. The Golden Boywouldbe better off not embarrassing the noble sport of boxing furtherandallocating those monies towards a massive pile of Colombia’s finest booger sugar.
Think I’m an asshole who doesn’t know shit about shit? Let us know in the comments below! The best post gets entered into some kind of contest at some point in time!
Thanks for joining us again this week. We will be back next Sunday with more tips, tricks and codes for the Nintendo Entertainment System. We’ll have extra dangling participles and run-on sentences; if there’s time we’ll even talk some boxing. Until the next episode, sante!.